Friday, March 15

The Wookies Make-Shift POM Leave

POM Leave     noun \ˈpämˈlēv\

1.)  Acronym Definition: "Preparations for Overseas Movement"
2.)  Typical Duration: Two (2) Weeks
3.)  Not guaranteed


So we're doing this...unofficially. Currently I have eye boogers, coffee breath, and the house permeates of blissful swine strips crisping to the perfect "bookmark" stiffness. And there may or may not be a feline lounging across the length of the bed since human legs have been removed and are no longer impeding her space.

And because no blog post is complete without a picture. Here's our cart from our latest mini-Costco trip. We've got the essentials for that day's meal. Margaritas (hers) and Bourbon (his), shrimp cocktail and salad (dinner), Swiffer refills, and apples. Oh, and an undocumented case of Moose Drool. Calories don't count when deployment is pending. It's just preparing for your deployment projects (i.e. working out).

Monday, March 11

Meow Monday: "Mom, seriously??"

You can't just be rescued by someone with respect for animals. gotta get someone who has a pension for blogging, cocktails, and taking selfies with their hot rollers in. Someone who thinks rockin' t-shirts from college is so "in." And someone who could use some Kardashian-esque fake eyelashes...girl looks like a chemo patient. Welcome to the end of it, Mittens.

Sunday, March 3

Sunday's Sweet Pea Throwback!!

 Would you believe I have to wait a whole year-plus to be the owner of another fabulous drool monster??

Don't get me wrong. Daaaaamn, I want to bring one home RIIIIIIGHT after deployment. Because reintegration would be a total blast with housebreaking another animal. And it's not like English Bulldogs create that much more laundry (bahaha!). But we're veeeeery rational, unfortunately. Our next love (canine love, that is) will be post-PCS to where ever Uncle Sam deems fit (the list is narrow though with his aircraft). So while a new English Bulldog would be the second best birthday gift ever (the first is an NYC trip with Mommy McD!), it'll be a post-settle'd in at our new zip code.

Pluuuus, the upside to leaving California - everything is cheaper. Cheaper to register her (<it'll be a girl again - we love da bitches), cheaper upkeep (food, treats, toys, vet appointments). Although there's still the need to mail Beaver gear to the new bitch, so that'll never change.

And for those who may be wondering: Will the Wookies rescue again?? This new lady is not up to me. I felllll for Miss Sweet Pea (hello, look at that face!!). This next one requires the heart strings of Mr. Wookie. And you better believe I'm going to be theeeeee most annoying housemate ever. "Can we get a dog?" "Have you researched local English Bulldog clubs yet?" "You know what's better than my meatloaf? A dog."

Seriously, most missed pet in my life!! She. was. the. shit. Cropdust? Check. Snort? Yup. And she's the reason I check #bulldogsofinstagram DAILY. I miss the short face. I miss the saggy neck-that-looks-like-a-vag. I miss the piles of drool. And I miss the Kongs. Seriously...Kongs for cats look like butt plugs. Not. so. cute. But yes, Mittens has a Kong too. That's how I know.

Friday, March 1

I feel like I should worried about this deployment.

I'm kinda at a loss for words...and not in the panic-stricken, oh my goodness, he's going into harm's way! Instead, it's the very rational thoughts that come to mind. "It's not like he's dying - he's just deploying." "This is his job." While yes, he does fly around in an aircraft that can malfunction, they do practice their "ditching" regularly (it's not like a jet where you just pull a cord and you're ejected into safety, they require the hatch to be pulled <think school bus roof exit), and there are issues that can claim his life. Buuuut that shit can easily happen on land as it can at sea. So why should I worry on deployment when he can easily push daisies when 30 minutes from home??

As a "member" of the "Knives Group," thankfully I'm privy to all sorts of information as we prepare for this fun time of sequestration meets deployment. How long will they actually be gone? *cue laughing* And thankfully, we have plenty of salty wives who have many boat stints under their belt who can help us n00bs get our shit together before they actually fly-out (probably at like 6:00am, because tears of goodbye are always better with crusty lashes and bad breath).

There's the HAVE YOUR POWER OF ATTORNEYS!, HAVE YOUR FELLOW LADIES ON SPEED DIAL!, HAVE A NOTE IN YOUR WALLET STATING YOU'RE A NAVAL OFFICER'S WIFE/GIRLFRIEND AND TO PLEASE CONTACT YOUR COMMANDING OFFICER'S WIFE! Okay, that's sound advice right there. If I'm maimed, calling an 850 number that's turned off and in the bunk of the USS Awesome won't get you anywhere.

And there's the "Let's make awesome care packages for the squadron!"



Ohhhhh.....riiiiight. Care packages. Those things which explode scrapbooking paper, cake in jars (<the only cool thing I've seen), candy, cards, pictures, magazines, probably hidden dirty pictures, and a lot of USPS mailing boxes. I assume they're helpful for those in the sandpits of the Middle East where gunfire is the norm, showers are probably rare, and all I think about is The Hurtlocker. But that's not exactly our situation. He's in the Navy...on a boat. Yes, gunfire at the aircraft can and does happen. Yes, planes explode right on the flight deck! There are hazards even with a Naval deployment, but it's just not the same. inner "male thinking" comes to mind. You're in the military...deployments are what you do. You want me to send you care packages when you're just doing your job? Insert reader comments about how non-caring I am. It's not that I don't care - I just can't get into the glitter, jazz hands, and undying need to send things.

And thankfully we've had the discussion about Do you want them once a month? What do you want them to contain? Do I even need to do them?

We've agreed - they'll be sent as needed. Should he run out of jerky, magazines for the toilet (although he has a damn tablet, so what else do you need?), deoderant, good underwear, and who knows what else.....I'll send out a non-decorated box to his need. Because why spend money on decoration when it's just going in the trash? And of course, there will be the obligatory ones: HAPPY BIRTHDAY, 'MERICA!! (4th of July), HAPPY 28TH BIRTHDAY ON THE BOAT! (2 years in a row), Happy Start of Oregon State Football Season 2013, and HOLY SHIT, NYC FOR MY 30TH WAS AMAZEBALLS. :)

And the potential deployment date (I say 'potential' because we are amidst sequestration) is on the calendar and now within reach. It used to be months away, and then before we were even close, was pushed back farther than an elephant's gestational period. Seriously...your time has come...DEPLOY ALREADY. I want my gift (*coughJadeearringscough*). Mr. Wookie has been in the Navy since 2007 and has yet to see an actual deployment - do you know what it's like compared to fellow aviators? Most have seen (on average) 2 real deployments (not detachments or surges, but the 6-7+ month kind). And here we are....over 2.5 years into a sea tour....without a tour of the sea. He's ready. The squadron is ready. Port calls, Lord have Mercy.

So maybe it's the green behind my ears, or maybe I'm just being my ol' ration self (seriously, welcome back Mrs. Wookie!), but this is not the end of the world. It may be for my liver...but you can always get a new one (hello, that Apple guy totally bought new body parts on the Black Market)! Life will be the same here. I'll wake up each morning, race out the door to work, over-stress in my department (sales and marketing), and then come home for my dinner-for-one and bottle-each-night of wine. Shower, rinse, repeat.

And yesssss, that whole 'fuck, I'm bored already' has been fixed. Two words: weekend projects. There's that chair to recover still (I'm telling you, I was in an absolute FUNK with our dog dying), I'm going to make a custom wreath for our front door so I can take off the Christmas one (redneck? yup!), there's a few Pinterest projects which will take some time and energy (shhhhh!!), I have family visiting for a long weekend in May, there are beach trips to be had, sunscreen to be lathered, Oregon to be visited in July, less sunscreen lathered then, and a shit-ton of library trips.

How did I find such a lucky match to my non-typical housemate thought process? I don't know.

Happy Pending Deployment, babe! Now remember: Non-nickel earrings....kthanksnowbye!