The Yays & Nays of a Mid-Deployment Move

Yay for the "circling of the wagons" that is the extended military family. One email to 3 people (the CO's wife, XO's wife, and our "Knives Group" President) had me connected and CC'd to 2 new families in the area collecting their HHG that week. I promised wine and the swift stealing of boxes for their kind donation to my situation.

Nay to our property manager "trying to help find a new place." You said you'd help to make yourself feel better, but in reality...you don't give a shit and I'm just another liability to get off your chest. Suck it. I don't need your help. I got myself and my very-determined personality. If I can build a career around Uncle Sam, I can find a new home in a non-stabbing neighborhood.

Yay to Mr. Wookie being the most supportive ever with the situation. His humor in the situation definitely helped break the tension and ulcer forming that was going on in my stomach. "Babe, just think, you won't be bored during deployment." Seriously. True love.

Nay to the very limited stock of rentals that were potential homes. Our location in California is awesome - but with that, you do have to be sure to stay out of the "Mexican strawberry-picking ghetto" that is the Just-North-of-Malibu area. And with that, you typically do have to pay over BAH to ensure safety. Oh, and throw in, "I have a female cat." and you're met with NO PETS. Awesome. Just awesome.

Yay to the stars aligning with a 2-bed, 3 bath, w/ loft condo that's a football throw to the beach to help end our stay in sunny California. Mr. Wookie got what he wanted (beach), and I got my safety (hello gated community!). And a little granite in the kitchen neeeeever hurt anyone.

Nay to the CREAM CARPET that's in the condo. Dear owners, I drink red wine. I also spill wine before I begin to enjoy it. So there goes the new rule: No red wine indoors. Boo.

Yay to the 5-lbs that was lost over the 3 weeks of home searching as I lost any appetite because of the stress. I may or may not have bragged some more to Mr. Wookie about my looks.

Nay to the lack of concentration at my desk while at work. Who knew the brain needed nutrients?

Yay to my boss being completely understanding in my frazzled state of mind. Seriously. Awesome.

Nay to the panic that poor Mittens suffered in the "What's going on in my home?" She's barely a year old and already has a move under her belt collar? She's starting to shape into a solid Navy brat.

Yay to the pain and torment that is moving without muscle being over. Yay to the superb professional movers that were hired for the heavy stuff that I couldn't lift alone (appliances, big ass furniture, etc.). Yay to Mr. Wookie meeting me "halfway" in the moving process - he wanted to sponsor movers for the entire process while I wanted to pay other Junior Officers from a sister squadron to help. So in the end, we hired pros for the big shit and I used Mr. Wookie's Jeep for a 2-day push of the remaining boxes of stuff.

The actual email title: "Murphy's Law hits us."

The below is the exact cut-and-pasted email that was sent to Mr. Wookie on the boat. I had been so careful to not overwhelm him with anything slightly mopey on land since he's responsible for a very expensive asset aboard ship. So you can imagine the quick deterioration that happened while I was at work trying to remain calm. I played coy at the end of July, but I was a ulcer-forming wreck.

"Hi babe,

I just wanted to let you know that I just got a call from Scott [property manager]...

The owners are wanting to sell the house and we have a few options with our lease and such [we got a little over 30 days notice - umm, thanks for the advanced warning??]. The owners are still working out the details with the real estate agent, and I gave my phone number as contact for the property, but they're not sure yet on how to proceed with us and our lease that's set to expire in August [so much for that POA we got before he left].

There are all the options that could happen to us...

Option #1: Our lease isn't renewed by the seller's request. We're out on lease ending.

Option #2: Our lease is allowed to go month-to-month while the house is on the market. We get 30-days notice to be out once the property is in escrow.

Option #3: Our lease is allowed to go month-to-month. The seller's price the house too high, they have zero buying interest, and we stay put until we PCS [in like 6 months].

Option #4: ?????????????????????????? [yes, multiple question marks were required]

Obviously yes, I'm freaking out...and I did tell Scott that you're deployed. So maybe that'll have an effect on the owners and they'll feel sorry for us, but I honestly doubt it.

a.) It took months to find where we're at now. I don't want to be stuck living in someplace terrible while we're here in case we don't leave right away.

b.) Part of me wants to move out now just so the owners don't make income from our rent [fuckers!]. Although I'll continue to do the yardwork and such so we get the full deposit back.

c.) Do we consider apartments and 1-bedroom options since we're only here for so much longer and just storage stuff?

This is obviously not the email I wanted to send today. I'm sorry babe. If it's not one thing, it's another. I did call my dad because I was caught off guard with the phone call, and he said that he and my mom would be willing to come down and help with a move if it's needed while you're still gone. So I'm not completely alone. And there's obviously Nancy [NFO girlfriend], Gwen [pilot wife], and anyone else that's free to help.

And I'm curious, is there any Navy assistance with us being forced out of our home potentially in paying for move assistance? I know [callsign:] "Little Buddy" had help, but is it the same?

[Nope. Our friend, the pilot, was renting a home that went into foreclosure - completely different from our circumstances of our owners being asshats and not renewing our lease. I had everyone researching for me. The only way we would have assistance would be to move on base.

Nope. Not gonna happen for a couple reasons - like government paperwork AND we're not "on base" people. I'd rather cut off a toe than live in the fishbowl atmosphere of base living.]

Thanks babe - I love you [sorry for the mush]. You know that. And Parker [new check-in] left today and is due to you end of this week-ish. He'll have a manila envelope for you. Let me know when you have it. Your debit card is in there along with a birthday present.

Love, me (and my freak outs) :)"

So yeah...that happened. We've recovered, moved, restocked the bar supply, and as-of-last-night hung pictures on the wall. And Mittens is getting used to 'indoor' life since our new neighborhood is non-outdoor cat only.

Mr. Wookie's family: If you don't know that this happened, don't act surprise. You know your son. :) Email me for the dirty details for our new address. Welcome gifts in person are accepted!

This boy left on a...well...not a jet plane.

Thank you SO MUCH for allowing some massive time away from the blog - but now that he's been gone enough time for me to get settled into, "So this is what deployment feels like?", I need to work on my LL Cool J skills...

That's right...MAKIN' A COMEBACK.

So hey, you, right there. How have you been? Have you enjoyed the lack of reading of shitty tales, drunken fables, and nights of eff-bombs? WELL I HOPE SO! Because this time we're trying to make a full-fledge'd comeback.

First off...

"Fuck!"

Phew. I got that outta the way. Nothing ever says happiness like Mrs. Wookie dropping bombs.

Oh, and that whole "This is what deployment feels like" shit....well it's just enough to keep me on edge with a semi-fervor butthole. Every couple days Murphy likes to rear her head and be like, "Bazinga!" but without the awkward giggle of Sheldon Cooper. Because that shit would never happen with Mr. Wookie around.

But let's get to re-know me better, since it's been awhile. I'm like a re-virgin'd blogger.

1. My childhood nickname was "Trashley." Yeah, then I changed schools. They barely graduated high school. I went to college...and finished. They have 3 kids, live in a trailer, and hate their life. I'm awesome. Boom.

Sucks to be them.

2. If you want to spoil me rotten, buy me a gold chain on deployment for my natural sapphire pendant that you got me for Christmas.

Mr. Wookie, ^^^ make it happpen! You read this blog on the boat. :)

3. The television character I most identify with is Robin from HIMYM with her career drive and love for suits, steaks, strippers, and rollin' with Barney, mixed with Lily since she's an actual Ginger and also met a boy in college who just wouldn't go away. ;)

4. If I had a whole day to go shopping and money to spend, I would go to (ready???)....

Gap.com

BananaRepublic.com

OldNavy.com

LongElegantLegs.com

Can you take a guess why? Oh right, I have an inseam that competes with an elephant's penis. That's why!!

5. The most wild and crazy thing I have ever done (that I can admit to publicly) is "acquired" a tiara and dozen roses that just happened to not have any owners in an establishment where beverages are served. Don't just leaaaave your shit lying around for hours. Someone will enjoy wearing it and being asked, "OMG, is this your bachelorette????????????????????" <multiple question marks necessary

No. Though if I say 'yes,' will you buy my friends a round of drinks??

Scheming new move while all the boys are deployed for free drinks. Hmmmm...

6. The one thing on my bucket list that I am most eager to do is 1.) Buy a house. 2.) Go to Scotland with Mr. Wookie. Both TBD in 2014/2015.

7. My family will always be loyal to fighting for the "trust fund." It's a bogus joke where all the kids try to out-hustle each other for top rank in the parents' saving account. Who doesn't want to be the "family favorite?"

8. If I could spend a day with a celebrity I would choose Zoey Deschanel.

9. In my opinion, the best invention in the history of the world is the tampon.

10. When life hands me lemons, I make a vodka tonic. Duhhh!

So remember that time we declared NEVER AGAIN on Bulldogs?

May was a very rough month for us. Sweet Pea's loss was Murphy's Law's most douchey thing ever. Seriously, Murph, you pull that stunt. You're an asshole. You kill off my FREAKING DOG less than two weeks from Mr. Wookie's freakin' boat date?? I haven't lost a pet since I was 14, and even then - it was Mama Ging's cat from right after she and the Sheriff hitched back in 1675, so I never really knew the pain of what it's like to lose your own fur-baby.

Losing a pet is fucking hard.

But time heals all wounds. Time allows us to reflect on Damn, bitch has a good life with us. When Mr. Wookie was away on business, she was my co-pilot on the other side of the bed. And should Mr. Wookie only be back for a few nights....well then she got her spot right in the middle. Nevermind if she accidentally flail kicked him in the nuts, which is hilarious by the way.

In the stinging aftermath of our loss, we knew there could never be another love like Sweet Pea. She was our first, she'll be our favorite. She was a snatchy ol' broad who was more like her mother than I ever knew. Don't like people? Who cares, me neither. Don't like other dogs? Me neither, they're not nearly as cute as you, baby girl. And just like that, she was my "baby girl." While I didn't bloat over 9 months and wreck my vagina to have her, I still poured my everlasting love (and money) into spoiling the shit outta her.

But time heals all wounds. I see her pictures and I no longer have the bitterness of a dog gone too soon. Instead, I have the incredible memories of making our home her last home. Our home, our love, our life...was hers. And she couldn't have fit more perfectly. The Junior Officers when they came over would shower her with affection (until she chased the beer pong balls). When it was just one of my lady friends, bitch would curl up on the sofa with me while I drink wine and we watch Say Yes to the Dress (I love my Friday night television!).

Now life is quieter. Life has less walks. Life has unopened bags of treats given to other families in the squadron with dogs. Life has three-week used dog bed in the garage that we can't dare part with. Life has her collar hanging on the key rack as a constant reminder of her place in our family. Life still has a half-bag of food that's waiting for a donation place to accept (I just need to reach out). And life has a re-arranged front room since my heart broke every time I saw the empty floor space where her bed, blanket, toys, slobber, paw prints, and green cloud of ass-gas would linger.

But now life has a new discussion. Life has re-emerged in the conversation of a future dog and how Mr. Wookie and I just can't let go of the breed. I'll be honest - his words caught me off-guard at first. But in reality they shouldn't have. After a month without her, we started to ease back into the future of us. What will we own next? We took every "What dog breed is right for you?" quiz one after the other, and our results clashed every time. He wants a Mastiff, I love Corgis, he'd like a bloodhound, I think wire-hair large terriers are cute, he'd punt a chihuahuah (so would I), and I think Bull Terriers are adorable with their weird-shaped snouts.

It's a good thing we've decided to wait until after deployment to bring another dog into our family, because we'd be those nightmare people with two dogs (a "his" and "hers"). No. We don't want that. We want an "ours."

But Friday night brought words that stung my heart...in a good way. Mr. Wookie's used the time on the boat to reflect about what he misses (hopefully me), what he wants out of life, and where he wants to go next.

"I want another Bulldog."

Is he serious? No way? Are you sure? Are we ready for another (potential) money pit? 

Without flinching, "I'm in." They say shot-gun reactions are from the heart.

So as serious as herpes, a heart attack, and trust funds, I can't wait until we freakin' check into our next duty station so life can SHOW ME THE MONEY ENGLISH BULLDOGS! Seriously. I can't handle my excitement. I need more cowbell snoring, slobbering, and farting...and not from Mr. Wookie. ;)

sunday celebrity action w/ chambanachik

Holla at cha' girl over guest blogging...

Then come back to me.  I promise.  It'll be worth it.  Because you can't read more until you go first!  Now go!  Okay, refill that coffee cup.  I'll wait.  Okay, and pee too.  Grab some Cheerios while you're at it.  Okay...continue ahead!!