Tuesday, July 24

Trying on for size, "Glamour's 30 Things before 30" #1-5

You're probably shaking your head, "Mrs. Wookie, we didn't know your balls were so old!" Haha, dear children, no...I'm not 30, thank goodness. I'm just terrible close for comfort. But because I adore Chambanachik and her tribute to her now-old husband (I kid!), I knew I had to take it considering I'm one crayon away from a salty, sneering, crotchity feminism who needs to loosen up a few threads.

So let's see how my almost-30 ass compares to the masses (taken from Glamour's "30 Things Every Woman Should Have and Should Know by the Time She's 30"):

By 30, I "should" have ...
1. One old boyfriend you can imagine going back to + one who reminds you of how far you’ve come.
I'm going to have to agree with Erika that going back to a boyfriend is not worthwhile. You don't see me trying to recycle used tampons, do you? If there were good enough to break up with via text message (yup!), then they're good enough to keep kicked to the curb. Plus, they probably never moved out of their hometown and that's a must for me. You can come back to your home town, but please travel the world and see how others live. It'll make you a better person.

I just wish I could have taught a lesson before Mr. Wookie. There was a guy I dated for a mere dabble of weeks pre-Wookie & Co., who had a junior high-aged sister who was obviously impressionable. Then there was the Dad - having torrid affairs which basically the whole family knew of...including the mom. All I wanted was to raise the sister to know staying with a man when he doesn't respect you isn't love. It's just convenience (because they were load-ed). But that lesson would have resulted with one more feminist in the world, and I think there are plenty right now. :)

2. A decent piece of furniture not previously owned by anyone else in your family.
Well this discredits my FREE Victorian chair from the Dumpster a la Navy base. ;)
We did invest our hard-earned DITY move money from Virginia to California in our current furniture set that we scored thanks to a Labor Day-sale, so yes, we do have some "fancy pants" furniture in our digs...that will probably be around for a few decades if they can survive Navy moves, our potential new dogs (come Fall of '13?), and the impending arrival of niece and nephew visitations.

Furniture isn't a 'buy every few years so it's modern,' it's a 'terrorize until it's falling apart them throw it on the corner with a "$30" sign after 30 years so a hapless college kid can claim it with money earned from returning beer bottles.'
3. Something perfect to wear if the employer or man of your dreams wants to see you in an hour.
Considering I have a job, so that means everything I wear on Monday-Friday is 'work appropriate.'

Now about that "man of my dreams" bit. If there were a COD delivery just for Mr. Wookie, I'd make something happen. I think the issue would be not the finding something to wear, but the I need to 1.) Shave my legs, 2.) Get my hair out of the Kourtney Kardashian-esque bun I rock to work because I'm a little lazy, and 3.) Put a little more effort into my make-up. Hello, the man of my dreams is coming in an hour!!
4. A purse, a suitcase, and an umbrella you’re not ashamed to be seen carrying.
Umm...I'm not ashamed of my leg hair...you think I care about purses, suitcases, or umbrellas?
Besides, umbrellas are for tourists. We Oregonians use our Columbia rain jacket hoods. ;)
5. A youth you’re content to move beyond.
Absolutely. Although my nostalgia for childhood baseball games in the backyard with my siblings is strong. I'd contemplate offspring harder if I could have them for the weekends only, have them be at least 6, and able to drop a free-throw like it's hot - or be able to jump-serve at 10 - lay down a bunt like you're Mickey Mantle (priorities, people).

I did somehow find the ability to grow past my "omg, my forearms are so skinny - like Auschwitz skinny" only to realize that an obesity epidemic is plaguing the nation. I'll take my freakishly skinny forearms...now.

Stay tuned for this multi-part episode. You think I can drink wine AND blog. Pssh. As if!

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