Monday, February 27

Things that bore me.

1.) Baby showers. It's come to my recent text-versations with Mommy McD that she was intended to attend a baby shower in the near future and how we both dread the concept (Yes, McD has shot children out of her uterus in a couple different methods, however, we both agree showers, "sprinkles," and full on dumps are boring and not-for-us). I empathize with her. While I know way too many men right now attached to the Navy (men that aren't currently dating and hopefully won't impregnate any time soon), I like to avoid baby showers like the best of them.

Let's start off with the concept...Oh, you got knocked up. Now I'm supposed to buy you a gift?? How about you budget for things you want pre-baby...before you let your birth control get dusty. Yes, I know people are usually excited for babies, but what if I don't want to buy you a gift. Or, (and this is usually the case) I don't want to contribute to your landfill capabilities with disposable diapers - but I'm too cheap to buy you BPA-free nursing items - so I'll settle for Johnson & Johnson bath products. That and (I'm so alone in this) I don't like the smell of baby. It smells....weird.

Secondly, games are...something for sleepovers when I'm 13 and wanting to prank Billy Corrington because he's cute and I once saw his penis in 4th grade (that was a rude awakening about trying to hang off the legs of someone on the monkey bars. Elastic bands stretch......enough said). I don't like the 'Guess her circumferance' game, I don't "smell" the melted candy in the diaper, I don't want to collect diaper pins - I'd rather sit around and make the pregnant lady jealous as I sip a cocktail, bend over with ease, and poop on a regular basis.

2.) Nights Mr. Wookie isn't home. Yup - he's gone. Here for.....(doing the math...)....about 38 hours. Then gone. Yes, military life is glorious (it's a steady paycheck, although I seriously feel for the ERB candidates who don't get the news they're staying in). Thank GOODNESS I have a been-getting-better-and-better support group here. It's taken a year-plus to get where I'm at (and it helps when awesome people check into our squadron). Monthly meetings with the "Knives" are entertaining. And thankfully there's the new Junior Officer wife with a pension for homemade dinners, gin and lemonades, and pajamas pants while watching Bridesmaids.

I hope this stays - I can't deal with thunder cunts.

Yup, I said that.

3.) LA-area news crews. LAY OFF THE BOTOX!!!! I can't tell your emotions when you read the news because you have a weekly appointment with Dr. 90210. Seriously...

4.) Republican debates. While debates are necessary and a great way to learn how candidates deal with certain questions, handle stress, delegate answers, and all that jazz, I prefer to catch it in the style of ESPN. I just like the highlights. Do I need to see every eye roll of Newt Gingrich when asked about his personal life and how he's on Wife #425 (it is funny)? No...I've already formulated an opinion on that there's no amount of footage to come back from multiple divorces and infidelities.

5.) Traditional quilts. I've been doing quite a bit of research into quilting as I'm still debating what my big 'deployment project' will be. While the idea of making a quilt, pouring my stitches, thimble sweat, and rotary trimming into something so laborious makes me both excited and nervous, I can't help but want to gag at the thought of a quilt pattern that resembles something from the Oregon Trail. Thank goodness Googling "modern quilt patterns" brings goodness and light - and everything else that's biblical.

6.) Pulling weeds.


  1. I don't like the smell of baby either. It smells like drool, dry skin, and poop up the puss all at the same time. Don't tell the parents I said that.

  2. Glad to see I'm not the only one! I despise baby showers! And wedding showers come to think of it... there has got to be a more entertaining option!

  3. shower games are the WORST. J still complains about the time they made all the guys race to drink beer out of baby bottles. We just had everyone guess due date/gender/etc. and called it a day! :)

  4. I liken the smell of baby to that of what mama bears feel about their young. Your baby smell to me? Weird. My baby smell to me? Perfect. It's like scenting. Without the urine - well, most of the time anyway.