Crisis!...1984 style!

So a crisis struck work today, and I caught me completely untrained and unexpecting.

The typewriter ran out of ribbon!

Realizing, 'oh crap, I have to fix this,' I start scouring the shelves for a replacement. I start pulling boxes that look like they were made when Larry Bird was still a Celtic. Good lord, I can't believe they still have this stuff still.

So then I continue to stare at the machine hoping I will gain insight in how to even open the thing. It's not a far stretch to think that my big eyes have some ESP-like powers.

Thankfully for everyone else in the office, I'm the only child of the 80's.

So after 5 more minutes, I had the ribbon changed and was back to producing the document. (Ya, somethings still aren't in electronic format. But it's okay, I just put up a side ponytail and rock out to early Madonna).

After I had all my work done for the day, I started researching ways to recycle the old technology.

They'll be using soy-based inks when I'm done with them.

Okay, maybe not. But at least there'll be a paper recycling bin. :)

Analyzing stress...

So this morning wook was scheduled for his flight physical, which was crunch time since it had to be completed by the end of the month. (lol, that's my boy).

Anyways, as the flight doctor was looking over his chart, he was asking questions to determine wook's mental health. As wook answered that he was in a long-distance relationship, the flight doc said that LDR's increase stress (or something to that effect; wook's a hard cookie to quote sometime with all that mumbling he does, lol).

So I got to thinking,...separation...stressful?

I would use the words: annoying, retarded, unnecessary, sleep depriving (which can be stressful, so I understand there), boredom inducing (it's like I don't want to go to the movies alone, gosh, lol).

But the definition of "stress" is: -noun 1. importance or significance attached to a thing

Well, holy crap then. I guess I am a reason to be stressful, after all, I'm quite important. :)

My apologies to the flight doc. I stand corrected.

But I still maintain it's not that bad being separated. Only the lonely nights, the drinking alone, the short 'n sweet webcams sessions, the mail-sent Valentine's packages, the slightly late birthday gift, the constant texting, the perusing of ticket prices, the dreaming of vacation days, the crying oneself to sleep, the renting of another boyfriend, the recalling of memories, toiling over pictures, retelling the stories of good times past.

So in other words: not a lot to focus on. ;)

(Miss ya baby)

Oh the outrage!

So last night my dad's buddy, Myron (who I've met before), was pit-stopping in Medford as he, his wife, and son moved said son to Oakland for his new job. (Medford is the place to stop before California, lol).

Anyways, his parents asked how I was, how life's been after graduating, how's work, etc.

Well as usual, I'm great. :) Life's okay. Could be better, lol. Do I miss college? Yes, parts. Reading?, depends on the book. Writing papers?, again, depends on the material. Living oh-so-close to friends?, yes! Working, in general, sucks. My disliking of the working world, having to put in 8 hours a day, 5 days a week to make money that will fund my traveling just stinks. I swear, my sugar daddy needs to hurry up and arrive. Good thing I've stumbled upon a job I love...for the most part. It's real estate, which causes people to tense up...which causes me to tense 'cuz things need to be done "ASAP!!!" lol. Don't worry, I don't sell the property. I'm the office manager. :)

Anyways, Myron's son informed us the latest idiotic fees to the Oregon State University education program: $10/student ticket!

It's rough enough to sponsor the money for the alcohol to consume before the game, but now kids have to spring $10 each home game! Oh man! I'm soooo glad I'm outta there. That's rough. It's not $5, which could be doable. What a bunch of douche monkeys. Seriously.

But back to the funny part of the story. :)

His son was suuuper excited to be starting a job, moving to a bit city, the "oh the possibilities" theory. And then he realized that...wow, it's really not all that it's cracked up to be. College is cozy. I definitely should have changed my major more, lol. I mean work can be great. I definitely looooved today as I got to play accountant and balance out the 401(k) accounts. Super fun. So he proceeded to start pounding drinks, saying, "I've got one week left. I gotta get as much freedom in as I can."

Well glad I could be the bearer of real life news.

Thongs, Alarm Clocks, and Slurpees...oh my!

So what does it take to find thongs in Medford? Apparently 4 different stores in the mall. Figuring I could take advantage of my JCPenney charge card, I head to their lingerie department in search of some boring, nude thongs for work.

Goooood lord, the amount of granny panties that exist. I'm not talking the full-cheekal, wedgie-proof comfie ones that go under jeans. I'm talking the up-to-your-ribs granny panties. JCPenney had 2 brands of thongs...2...dos...II. That's just sad.

Same story at Kohl's and Macy's. WTF people? Do people not see the need to hide panty lines by cleverly shoving them someplace else? Apparently the growing elderly population has overtaken the underoos department at every store.

Now, I know Sarah is thinking, "Hello, what about Victoria's Secret?"

Yes, good thought. But ever since they increased their "5 for $20" to "5 for $25," I just haven't been able to bite the bullet on the inflation of such little pieces of clothe.

So anyways, I venture into Vicky's to see what they have. :)

The clouds don't exactly part, but they do have some fabulously generic underoos that will work for work. I wasn't asking for the world. I never do. I just want things to go my way, that's all. :)

So I got 2 cream, 2 slate gray, and 1 black. "Ooooo, black panties....She's wants to have sex some day." (2 points if you name that movie!)

***

And in the fashion of a Ashley-the-Forgetful, I have this dreadful tendency to forget my phone at home. It's like missing a limb. I feel so disconnected with the world. I place the blame in the notion that I don't have an alarm clock steadily on my nightstand, so I use my phone. Well said phone is usually forgotten on said nightstand. So my next mission is to probably search for a cheap, lil alarm clock that can do my wake-ups justice. I'd prefer this guy otherwise known as Wook, but I'll settle for some soft music.

We'll see how that goes...

***

And as the sister of...well, Hayley, let's be honest. I've forgotten the ability of teenagers to have the brain capacity of fish. It was just after 8:30 this evening when Hayley planned on going out for Slurpees.

"I want a blue one!"

Well 8:30 turned into 9:00, which turned into 9:30...which...oh wait, my slurpee is here. It's 9:45. Are we serious?

So instead of wasting it, I enjoy it, consequently ruining my bedtime and my teeth.

Looks like I should put my order in a lot earlier next time.

***

And one more thing. I invite you to my next party. It's a pity party...for me...my nail to be exact. I chipped the thing yesterday morning while reaching for a spoon for my morning Cheerios.

"So why don't you fix it?"

My darn girl is on vacation...in Hawaii...my next appointment is not this weekend, but next. Oh, cheers. :)

Let us pray...

Estelle Getty has passed, as of this morning, on Tuesday.
May her memories live on in Golden Girls reruns.

Crisis Averted :)

So as the previous post said, my phone has kaputz. It's true. I swear, the running joke in the family is what else can break in my life? Hopefully not a bone, 'cuz I don't do casts. Unless someone teachs me to crawl in my dorm room and we apply rinestones all over. ;)

So try and follow this one...

So my dad has 2 phones (2 exact ones), one he uses, the other is kept in his work bag with a full battery for emergencies. Well low and behold, the battery in his 2 phones is the same battery in my phone. What broke on my phone is the charger input. Let's thing of this in reproductive terms. My phone's cervix is broken. No charge can get in (unlike my mom's phone's cervix which totally allows the charger penis to make a "baby" (read: full battery). Everyone still together? lol!

Anyways, I now am running my phone off the battery of my dad's spare phone while he charges my dead battery in his extra phone. Get it?

We'll just swap out the batteries until the new arrival shows up.

And really, I could have gone without the reproductive comparison, but what fun would that have been?

So I'm back connected with life. I swear those 18 hours separated were torturous. Wook thought something may have happened since our ritual is for me to tell him, "good morning" when I wake up. But Search and Rescue wasn't called, so he must have some faith in my ability to scale mountains and dig myself outta quick sand.

But alas, I have textage. Feel free to entertain me. It's been awhile, lol.

Incommunicado...Muy Sucko

So the undesireable has occured...my cell phone has *kaputz*.

So I've tried to plug it in the charger, but somehow the charger penis doesn't connect with my phone's vagina. The weird thing is that the charger's penis totally connects with my mom's phone's vagina. It must be trying to break up with me, but I just wasn't getting the message (get it? the message, hehe).

So after my dad was able to get thru to the dense AT&T caller-person (since he's the account holder), the new phone is being shipped my direction. Yay.

Just know that it's not that I'm ignoring everyone, I mean, I've totally found better friends, jk, lol, just know that my phone was the bitch who gave out and not me. I feel very pioneer-ish. I wish I could string 2 cans between windows and chat, but I don't have the money to invest in 3,000 miles of string to talk to wook.

Besides I need to focus my efforts on his darn birthday gift.

Meet the newest addition to my family...

So after 3 hours of labor, some negotiating tactics, and some muscle cramps (in the hand), I was the proud owner of a new car. A sexy '06 Kia Spectra. Damn, like seriously sexy.

Crazily, and without any exterior give-away, she was my internal #1 choice. A serious upgrade from the Cruiser, she still maintains the heart of my late car with her own 5-speed transmission. Serious fun. She also brings to the mix power mirrors, a bloop-bloop (that's keyless entry for those who don't speak Ashley), A/C, power steering, 16" rims (although standard...for now...I just might need to upgrade to some real chrome), racing pedals (also standard, and sweet), and a spoiler (which I'm indifferent since I'm not Asian and driving like Tokyo Drift).

So without further adieu, meet this sexy, lil blue thing: Smurfette.

(Bitchin' name, I know!)

Doing my best emo take on Annie Lebowitz style, I think these shots fully encompass her soul as a sexy speedster.

Even though there were only a couple dirt marks, I made them wash it again, clean the inside, and top me off. Oh gosh, not like that. ;) You wish.


I can hear it now, "Sexy, can I? Just pardon my manners..."

So after almost 3 weeks of being without a real car, I now have something to fill the void left by Cruiser. It almost makes me want to post the pictures and video of Cruiser's final moments. But let's not sadden this moment of joy. Let's rejoice.

All hail that sexy lil thing that just begs to hug a curve and hit 75!

"Majestic"

As previously mentioned, this weekend was going to be fun as a group of adventure-loving Oregonians played around in the wilderness. Even though our trek started out a lil behind schedule, ahem Katie, lol, the water was still there when we arrived. Phew.
Seriously, these rocks were huge. And this is only a medium one. Crazy.

Although we didn't hike the originally planned trail, this was equally entertaining even though there were some scrapped shins, sopping sneakers, and one twisted knee, lol (ahem, Katie, again).

It was unanimous in the family that this was the best shot of the day. This was just one of the gorgeous tiers of water that made its way through the mountains.

An ode to that sexy, wildabeast of a man stationed in Florida. Collin says, "Majestic," wook. :)

After I traversed rocks large and small, got a sand burn on my toe, and drained my 100 oz. Camelbak, it was time to call it a day and head back into civilization. Now this tree may look small compared to everything else, but I assure it was 24" wide (and solid, thankfully), and probably 12 feet up from the river. No round off, back handspring, full layout with a double twist this time.

Oregon = hiking country

So as a native Oregonian, I happen to love the fact that the mountains are right out my window. And I realize that Medford isn't glamourous like Portland, but thankfully it boasts some great outdoors. And I realize that this post doesn't do our state justice, but that's why blogs can have more than one post. :)

For those who aren't currently living in the PacNW...I'm sorry. Maybe some pictures will entertain you.

Can you tell I'm super excited to get up to my old firefighting terrain? Hello Tiller Ranger District. :) (BTW, does my neck look super skinny?)

Stacey Wilt and I chillin' my the river. The water felt sooo good. And doesn't my new bag just look fabulous. Yes, I realize real lesbians don't care about fashion, but that's why I'm only a half lesbian. Only when I need to be a fill-in husband for military wives.

Tomorrow is equally exciting as Collin and Katie are coming out on our next adventure. Mill Creek. It's a 5-6 mile hike along the Rogue before it hits Lost Creek Lake. Should be a nice day to get out and enjoy the wilderness. Post to come!

R.I.P. Cruiser

So this past Monday, at lunch, my beloved Cruiser was carted off with what little dignity she had left. My only complaint being that the car was carted off during my lunch hour, at time that I reserve for What Not to Wear reruns, a time I could hear the chains crank around her soul and drag her off to oblivion...okay Eugene to await her future at an unknown junk yard...but still oblivion of some sort. But my dad did have a good point, I'm technically an organ donor. :)

Now I'd normally post pictures of the awful event, as I tried this evening, but apparently Blogger was busy with other pictures as it couldn't handle the 2 pictures and 1 video of Cruiser's final moments.

Now I know everyone is heartbroken over her passing, I thank you for your kind thoughts, but I assure you I'm healing over the prospects of finding a new love. And I know that you can't replace a family member with another version of its itself. That's why I'm not looking at another Rio. I did test drive one, but it's just not the same. Nothing can replace her.

So while I continue my pursuit for a new set of wheels, offer good luck, great wishes, and low monthly payments for the start of a new relationship that will hopefully go on for years and years. Until I can benefit others again through organ donation. ;)

A to Z me :)

A is for age
24
B is for book you're currently reading
I brought home Touching: The Human Significance of Skin by Ashley Montagu
C is for career
Right now it's administrative, but I still have dreams of writing.
D is for your Dad's name
Ryan, or dad, or daddy when I want breakfast, Fajah, or Mr. Big Eyes
E is for essential items to bring to a party
My personality. :)
F is for favorite song at the moment
ooooo gosh, umm..."Ur So Gay" by Katy Perry, or "Good Girls Gone Bad" by Rihanna, or the new Josh Groban one, or the new Michael Buble one...lots!
G is for favorite game
I do love my Chutes & Ladders, and Life!
H is for hometown
Born in Roseburg, raised in Medford, wish to be with wook.
I is for instruments you play
the wookie, lol....hahahahahaha
J is for jam or jelly you like
homemade strawberry freezer jam...mmm
K is for kids
Adopted: B-Rox, and #2, Personal Procreative Efforts: None. Not yet. Not ready.
L is for living arrangements
I live back with my parents, which has its ups and downs but for the most part is okay.
M is for Mom's name
Christine
N is for name of your crush
umm, well does Mike Rowe count?
O is for overnight hospital stays
Never had to do one.
P is for phobias
Umm, I definitely don't like rollercoasters, lol, to say the least.
Q is for quotes you like
"There's no crying in baseball"
R is for relationship that lasted the longest
wook, by a landslide
S is for how you found out Santa wasn't real
He's not real??!!?!!
T is for tasty desserts
Olive Garden's Tiramisu
U is for underwear
I do thongs, booty shorts, or sans ;)
V is for vegetables you love
green beans, eggplant, zucchini, carrots, cucumbers
W is for weekend plans
lately it's been wilderness adventures on Saturdays, volunteering on Sundays at the Metaphysical Library :)
X is for x-rays you've had
at the dentist, and the couple times I may have almost broken fingers
Y is for year you graduated from high school
2002
Z is for zodiac sign
Libra - indecisive as all Hell

The Life of Living Back with the 'Rents...

So living with the parents is...well...different. I mean it's nice that you're no longer fighting about going out with so-and-so, want a later curfew, or that ticket you got for speeding. But then now, my dad (in my case) makes delicious dinners, I do have my own room, and (up until lately) had a car to go out when I wanted.

But then there's the downside of living with your 'rents...

1.) My mother is retarded sometimes. I'll call her out, but to still no effect. My mom's allergic to sugar yet drinks her 16-oz-super-sweet-blended-coffee-drink. And she has the fixation that if she continually compares me to people who are married by saying "at least they're married" that I'll magically don a wedding ring and start hosting soirees in a cute dress and beehive.

2.) As an independent person living on her own, I'm used to doing laundry when I feel like it (i.e. when I run outta a certain type of clothing). Instead I have the constant supply of my parents, as well as the insane amount that 2 teenage girls create. I mean, I don't mind doing the 'rents since I do live without paying rent. But seriously sisters, just 'cuz you wore it for 4 hours doesn't mean it's dirty.

3.) I live with my parents, who live 3,000 miles away from wook. Not their fault, just...well, I guess...wook and I's problem. Oh well, it'll be over soon enough. Or at least that's what I keep telling myself. That is if I don't kidnap him first into international waters.

4.) A standard closet with the one barre for clothes. I mean, that's crap. I can't fit anything in it compared to Oak Park. The plan was to put in an organizer a couple weeks ago, but since Hayley will be moving out come August...I'm planning on moving downstairs. Woohoo, more space, plus my own bathroom.

So I realize that it was my own choice to move home, and I enjoy it most of the time (thanks to my dad. He's rational, lol). I've thought about buying a place, but I don't think I'll be in Medford that long and the resell would just be a bitch. I would love to move out to my own place, but the upkeep would be more than I want to deal with, and I can save more money while living at home. And besides, my dad's a much better cook.

So for now I'll continue the "boomerang" lifestyle, until the wind takes me someplace else...hopefully east, and slightly south.

Besides, there's always gin and tonics with my dad to ease the pain. :)

Happy 4th of July!

Yay for my second favorite holiday. Maybe it's because then all my Navy flair actually has its purpose and fitting nostalgia. Or maybe it's because I loove men in uniform (the ladies look good too, they just don't get my blood pumping).

In honor of our fabulous nation...

So this was our trip to D.C. about 3 years ago. Ya, the sisters definitely complained about the amount of walking to be had in D.C.

Awww, the parents in front of some building. Yes, Sarah, I realize it has a name. But I a.) don't do politics, and b.) don't do politics. So ya, for now it's the building with dome that looks like a boob.

Trac and I being retarded in the National Cemetary. Yes, not very respectful, but where we there weren't any soldiers. That was a good day.

The kids atop a lion that was super close to the Iwo Jima memorial. Ya, I had to puuull teeth to get everybody but my dad to go. "It's so far to walk. It's not on our way." Ya, my dad and I are planning a vacation without the whiners.

And the catchphrase of this adventure was from my mother, "I had to wait over 50 years to see this." Yes, I'm glad you can do math to count your age. But really, shooosh. I'm over hearing about all the places you wanna go to.

Happy 4th of July everyone! Go Navy, Beat Army!

Turning my frown upside-the-heck-down...

So this week wasn't my favorite. Thank you nature, I was a bit hormonal this week. Okay, a lot hormonal. But I was able to cope just find. Thank you margarita with dinner and rum 'n coke after dinner. What? A girl is entitled to her beverages. Back off. Okay, down angry Ashley, down.

Anyways, this pretty much completed my four-day work week. Enjoy. :)