Tuesday, April 27

Throwing up twice, before 5:05am is a rough start to the day. What else can happen?

It's this damn cough.  Yesterday was a bit more brutal in the pain department as my lungs spasmed to expel their unwanted guests.  It was a never-ending trail of snot and mucus running down the drain in the shower as my powerful snot rockets and hacking up odds and ends kept me entertained for awhile.  This is when the behemoth brown festering sack of mucus made it's debut.  Which was cool because it weighed so much that the water pressure couldn't move it.  I had to wiggle it towards the drain until it's own gravity aided in assistance.

Why tell you all this?  Umm, because it's my blog, and I want to you enjoy suffer along with me.

So this morning, I thought was going to be a different one.  Nope.  Once vertical, my lungs began their craze of seizure-like movements.  But this time, it wasn't semi-liquid tenements.  They were chunks.  Or chunk-like, either way.  The first one that crawled past my gag reflex did just that.  I gagged.  Then I couldn't get the latter chunks off my gag reflex, so I threw up thinking that anything in my stomach would bully it past (too bad there wasn't anything in it).  And of course, because one time wasn't enough of this wonderful experience.  Again, my lungs begin the game of Let's Bring Up Dried Chunks of Sickness...introducing your host, Mr. Bob Barker!

Again, the foulest experience known to Man.  I'm pretty sure actually throwing up spaghetti when you have the flu is better than this because at least you know when it's up.  And spaghetti slides out rather easily thanks to the sauce.  Just ask my Brother.  I still remember the time he opened up the door, yacked at the corner of Bora Bora and Cedar Links, wiped his mouth, and we kept driving.  Yes, that's my family.

So now that I've eaten my hefty bowl of Cheerios, I'm paranoid that another chunk-filled terror attack will force me to re-visit my breakfast.  Instead, I'm using my empty bowl to house the filth and excrement that come up with my coughing fits.  Delicious.

And, of course, I have to be in at work super early.  Only a few coworkers know I'm battling lung inhabitants and will occasionally have to utilize my desk trash for the escape route of a few unwanted items.  Thank goodness my office is away from others.  Otherwise how gross would that be?  Because blogging about it is TOTALLY different. *cue beaming smile, tilted head*

But now the shower is calling.  Because I must get ready for the day.  That and dying in the shower is a lot cleaner than dying elsewhere.  The water just rinses away any liquids that are expelled upon death.  Maybe that's my only option to survive this horrible chunk-filled episode of this cold.  I can't remember the last time I was sick like this.  It's been years.  So much for my hippie immunity system.  Yuppie germs don't recognize it.

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