Monday, May 2

deer in soapbox headlights

I like to think I'm a good dog owner.  I rarely want to sell her on Craigslist when she's grinding my gears.  I clean up after her vomit even at 2am.  I play ball with her relentlessly.  We lounge in the sun together.  I'm a sucker for giving belly rubs.  And she gets fed on time.

Yes, I leave her to go on runs.  But she welcomes me back with a waggin' tongue for my sweaty, stinky legs.  And I only have to shower from the knees up.  We're cohesive as a unit, minus the giant stink eye she gives when it's bath time.  Or as we call it, the Battan Bath Match.

But I'm out this afternoon, doing a walk when I get asked...

Person: "Yo, is that a female?"
Me: "Yes."
Person: "That's an English bulldog, right?"
Me: "Yes, she's our rescue."
Person: "You know you can make a lotta money breedin' those."

I don't exactly take pictures of her hanging utters, but you can see that the skin's a little loose.  And Beverly Hills Veterinary Cosmetics is a little pricey even with the shitty economy.  So no boob tuck for her.  Sorry Sweet Pea.  But this guy wasn't the smartest when he didn't get that when I mention 'rescue' that she came sterilized.

Me: "Yes, I know."
Person: "Like $1,200 a dog."

Me: "I know."
Person: "So why don't you breed her?"

[Deer in headlights.]

I had nothing.  Obviously calling me out with "Yo!" categorized this person with not the highest level of education.  Most people who live around our neighborhood love that she's a rescue, even though her behavior around other dogs is in training (Barkfest, U.S.A.), and admire us for our efforts.

Me: "It's just not for us."

But this boggled his mind that I didn't want to use an animal to benefit my bank account.  I think he had the same effect...crickets when he looked at me.  Yes, everyone is entitled to their opinion.  I just found his repulsive, and he probably thought that I was a fool.  I am...for Costco-sold vodka over ice, with diet tonic, and a lemon wedge.

But I guess I didn't have a pre-planned nice way of saying, "Listen assclown, do you know why there are so many bulldogs dumped onto rescue groups?  They're costly as a mutha-trucker.  They're a pain in the ass to maintain.  They can have behavior or aggression issues (hello!).  And most butt puppets don't realize this when they buy it.  So instead of contributing to the rollover effect in that puppies are sold and abandoned to shelters, I'll keep her legs closed and let her enjoy life."

Too much?

Bulldogs are the #1 most-expensive dog to maintain.  You can have a perfectly cheap Bulldog with only routine annual shots, or they could have a multitude of issues requiring frequent vet trips, surgeries, medication, and therapy.  And those costs don't include owner therapy of alcohol, mixers, and garnishes.  This is one reason why we went rescue.  Puppies don't come with warnings for their future issues...although Miss Sweet Pea is one of those lucky dogs with aggression issues.  Too bad she's not aggressive to morons who ask questions about pumping Bulldog sperm into her uterus.  That would have be awesome.

I feel that any soapbox measure would have gone in one ear and out the other.  I wish I wouldn't have froze like that...but when's the last time I had to stand for my rescue?  If I'm accosted about plastic bag use, you better believe I will fire and brimstone your ass to death about photo-composition.  But here...I froze.

Well I guess I'll take that frozen brain and put it to good use.  Margaritas, anyone?


  1. I have chewed off a few people's heads over this before (my girl is a puppy mill rescue). Your vocabulary describing this guy made my day! :P

  2. Argh! I hate when you have brain freeze when confronted with the true assclowns of this world. As the caregiver/slave to a 16 lb rabbit who routinely chews through carpet, walls, and power cords charging OccDoc's laptop (oops), it drives me insane when people fail to realize what they are getting into when buying a puppy or bunny, for that matter. At least I knew my rabbit was going to be a holy terror who would have been 'put down' when he was a baby for having a raging ear infection if I didn't take him in and shell out fistfuls of cash at the vet's office to clear up the infection and save his hearing (although that's questionable whether or not he can actually hear me screaming at him to stop eating the carpet). Uh, I just *hate* people who think pets are disposable or ways to make money.

    Wow, that's kind of a soapbox-y topic you got there.

  3. "Butt Puppets" - love it!! LOL

    For some reason when I'm out with Wally no one ever asks me if I breed him - wonder why..... :o)