Saturday, May 28

Kid Leashes vs. Procreation Licenses

This morning I had an appointment for a recommended tailor in town for my Wedding Guest dress. I'm making my way to office, at a crosswalk waiting to go when I see this...

Okay, so it wasn't exactly Matilda making a break from her mom, instead it was a toddler [not being watched] who just darted in between the parked cars headed for the street. I, being of sound mind and sympathetic body, sprint over to the little girl to put a halt on her course. Another random gentleman came from another direction to flank her.

"Hey little one, not this way."

Her parents come screeching up...grab her, and walk away.

Hi, assclowns, what about me? I'd much easier let your stupid offspring become a speed bump if I didn't have a heart. But instead, I didn't feel like seeing brain matter on my conscience so I jumped over. You probably have no idea how 'for' I am of child leashes - maybe you should read up on them. Kids are no smarter than dogs, and dogs are on leashes. Yes, some dogs are brilliant. But if you want your genes to carry on, keep your kids alive. That's all.

I could also launch into promoting procreation licenses because some people just shouldn't have kids. Usually I experience extreme confrontation in this idea, but radical ideas got us past segregation. I'm all for screening genetics. To quote Harvey Danger, "Only stupid people are breeding." We all know the stereotypical poverty-level woman who has more kids because the welfare check gets bigger. What's wrong with a little mandated sterilization?

All I wanted was a "Thank you." That's all. Instead I got silence. I'd say next time I won't bother, but I can't do that. You never know when someone is a "sleeper Ging." You know, they're carrying the genes. I have priorities, you know. Gingers unite!

Yes, I got this off my mind. I was a little flabbergasted at the parents, that's all. Nothing against good parents...but you know it takes one bad egg to spoil the dozen. I understand kids run, and a good parent chases them when they don't come back as called, will give a good ass kicking later, and says 'thank you' to caring people who help. But these people were something else. Rant over.


  1. The problem is that our society has advanced to the point where natural selection has been taken out of the mix. Oh, for the good old days...

    But good for you for helping out. They say it takes a village.

  2. I just found your blog looking through people on SR's blog. You CRACK me up! You've turned my rainy, crappy weekend into a rainy, hilarious weekend! Subscribed for life.

  3. I agree on both accounts: kid leashes and breeding licenses. Good for you for helping! Some people lack manners and don't understand how to form the words Thank and You.

    (Love the new layout, by the way!)

  4. Oye! I have been that mommy chasing my "testing the limits" little girl down the street while she laughs... and it is mortifying. I hang my head in shame and avoid all eye contact once I catch up with her... but to completely disregard a stranger that may have just saved your child's life? Yeah... not cool people. Not cool.

    From all the mommies out there that worry about this sort of thing... thank you from the bottom of my heart.