Wednesday, May 25

Really Ann Taylor Loft?

The other weekend when Middle Sister was here, I thought it was perfect timing to have her confirm my ideas in apparel for her upcoming nuptials. Translation: Yo' beezy, does this dress make me look slammin' in pictures? Because there's nothing worse than having someone in a Cosby sweater terrorizing family pictures.

Being a tall-ass female with a long-ass torso, long-ass Orangutan arms, and legs for mother-effin' days, it can be hard to shop in the conventional sense (like real stores). I have to worry about if the "waist" hits me even near the waist (usually it's on my rib cage, and I don't like to Tim Gunn it - you know, just "make it work"). Then there's, Is my booty hanging out since I'm missing extra fabric in length? It's fun, oh so fun.

(But if I can announce like Oprah) Bring in Ann Taylor LOOOOOOOOOFT! Along with Gap, JCrew, Banana Republic, Old Navy, and others who offer a small selection of appropriately fabric'd designs meant for those who resemble more "missing link" than man.

Oh, what's this Ann Taylor my inbox...a further DISCOUNT on the effin' dress I just bought? [Mrs. Wookie angry, turn green, rip shirt...oh wait, nope, now naked... umm... what other superhero can I be where I don't have to be topless?]

I was a little butt-hurt, I'll be honest. But then I realized that they didn't have the Size 8 in grey (which was the resounding vote thanks to Mommy McD, Middle Sister, and Baby Sister). But really...I got it for 30% off the $69.99 price tag, which is a good deal for a tall dress.. AND I will be able to wear it again. AND now they don't have my size. So really, I'd just like to sulk that I got screwed out of 20% off.

My coffee didn't include anti-bitch powder this morning. So sorry.

Oh what's that? You want to see the awful phone pictures that I texted my American Idol-wannabe judges? Oh okay, if you must.

But first, you must decree to yourself, "Thou shalt judge a Ging."

The skirt of the dress fits perfectly. The waist is...gasp...not empire on me! So the only thing left is to alter the top of the dress (I'm pinching it in with the missing hand). So thanks to some recommendations for a tailor in the area, I have an appointment to make this puppy fit like a glove. And do you LOVE the waspy fabric on top!? I assume once it's dry cleaned they'll be flouncy, and lovely, and gorgeous...and...fabulous...

But I still like the romantical nature of the blush colored, only people thought I looked nekkid. And that's the last thing you need out of the Sister of the Bride. OMG, did you see her, what is she wearing? She's like the Princess Beatrice of Oregon!

Yes, I need to work on my runner's tan (it's like a farmer's tan...but I don't farm). Yes, the bed is undone and there's laundry everywhere! Would you rather try on new clothes or wait until after you've cleaned? If you say cleaned, you need therapy! So Mama Ging, this is my dress for August. You like? Hope so! Because the bride's happy, and that's all I can ask for.

End note: We totally think the model is the T-Mobile 4G girl. Do you?


  1. Yes. Definitely T-mobile girl.

  2. I'm a fellow long-torsoed gal. Makes shopping for lots of things very difficult. One-piece swimsuits are certainly not happening. Cute dress though!

  3. This is hilarious. The dress is adorable and I have exactly the opposite problem! I am very short and have a teeny tiny torso! Lol

  4. I have a long torso, too, but it's attached to stubby little legs. My seated height is greater than my husband's, and he's a good four inches taller than me when we're on our feet. I wind up finding a lot of my pants at the Loft, too, but in the Petites section, whereas tops need to come from the regular side.

    Enough about me; let's talk about you! You look gorgeous in that dress, dahling. I love the grey, but I don't think you look too *ahem* au naturale in the blush. You're gonna be stunning.

  5. Amen on the ATL- LOVE the lengths for us tall girls. I have a bff that works there so I abuse.... I mean occasionally use her discount :)

    Cute dresses- so many accessories you can do!