Beware, ranting and raving to follow. But you should be used to it by now. Yes, you!
First off, the butt-crack of O-Dark:Thirty for waking up. For anyone else, I would have probably made them get a cab to the airport that early. But since it was those who gave me life, and haven't taken it away yet by either a frying pan to the skull or a shove off a cliff, I decided to be hospitable and Gymkana them to the airport. And that's after I missed the turn and had to GPS our way back.
Secondly, I thought it might be a good idea to hit the gym yesterday morning after my taxi duties were relieved since I had time to kill before getting ready for work. Well, Ashley + lack of sleep + treadmill + 2 miles = not good. Yesterday morning affirmed me that I'm am NOT a morning worker-outter. Too much effort. Not enough pay off. I still had eye boogies probably and hadn't had my morning bowl of Cheerios. That just screams that my day is not started the right way. So back to evening running, it is. Besides, in the morning, I'm not frustrated/irritated/annoyed with life. How can I burn off steam without pent-up energy? My points, exactly.
Thirdly, I had leftover Mama Ging's casserole for lunch. Not a bad part in my day at all. Just wanted to say that my lunch was delicious. Now you know.
Fourthly, I was scheduled off at 5:00pm...but moseyed out of work at 5:30pm. Because I wasn't in last Friday, some of my duties weren't properly done. So I had to back-track on the work. Yay me.
Fifthly, I'm starting to feel the buzz/tickle/ache/feeling that I'm getting a slight cold in my face, so I head to the nearest Walgreens/Rite Aid on a mission. My mission: Elderberry extract. If you have no idea what it is, you can Google it for a severe definition, but short story: it's a plant that's derived from the Middle East that's used as an immune system booster. Once you feel like you're catching something, jump on this liquid 3 times a day and you'll feel better in usually 24 hours. But...there's a catch. Where I'm from...Oregon...kinda hippie. Where I live...Downtown Yuppie...kinda not hippie. Both Walgreens and Rite Aid had nooooooo idea what I was talking about. So I'll try the Vitamin Shoppe tonight on my way home from work and hope I score there. Wish me luck, because I need it!
Sixthly, and unrelated to feeling like I'm catching a small bug, I had a doctor's appointment last night at 7:00pm. No, I don't have cancer. No, I'm not losing a limb. I just figured since I have this amazing thing called insurance now, I might as well put it to use! Well while I'm there meeting my new doctor, she asks questions I don't want to hear.
"So, would you like a flu shot?"
"When was the last time you had your blood work done?"
Umm, flu shot...yes, I should have one. I missed the office one during my trip back to Oregon for that pitiful loss to Arizona. So...yes...I'll have a flu shot.
Blood...work. Well, technically it's been since Sophomore year in college during HHS Whatever-It-Is. But I lie, yes, I lied to my new doctor, and say it's only been 3 years. Maybe that'll take the heat off me.
"Well, it's been 3 years, you're due."
UUUUGGGGGHHHHH!!!! Omg, this is NOT happening to me.
So I pony up for the flu shot since those are relatively painless. Stab. And we're done.
But blood work makes me cringe. But let me just set it straight. Yes, needles scare the CRAP outta me. I blame that wench of a nurse when I was getting my Kingergarten Boosters. The bitch stabbed me like I was a Zodiak Killer victim. So now I'm tormented. And then there's the issue of where you draw blood work from. That cute little piece of your elbow. JAB! Right there, a sewer pipe in your arm. My thoughts are, what if I bend my elbow, will the needle go right through???? These are the thoughts in my warped brain.
So I agree to the blood work with some conditions. A.) The bitch better be good. I mean, goooooood. One stick. That's all you get. I'm not signing up for the position of Human Pin Cushion. When I hear about how people can't find the vein, I just want to kick them in the ovaries. Or testicles. Either/or, doesn't matter. And B.) Inconspicuously bring the needle in. Please don't show it off like it's a prized 10-point elk head. I will not be excited. I'll be passed out.
And I love how they try to make small talk while I'm clearly focusing on how soon this will be over.
"So how many siblings do you have?"
*Lamaze breathing techniques*
Listen lady, I'm breathing like I'm dying. To me, this is dying. I'd rather return back to when I was 12, wrestling with Brother, the time my head smashed into the hearth, and he paid me $5 to not tell my parents. Hi Mama Ging and Sheriff, you didn't read this, mmmmkay?!
But I make it out alive. Bandages everywhere. Feeling like a heroin addict.
The first person I call: The Sheriff
"Hey, I just had blood work done. Is it okay for me to have a drink?"
"Well you need to replenish your liquids somehow."
Maybe the Sheriff should pursue a career in Medicine. Dr. Sheriff. It's got a ring to it.
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