The Woes of Sports Bra Shopping

It started with Champion USA having an uber-awesome sale on their sports bras. Score. And because of the back-to-back weeks of the long runs reeking havoc on my skin because of some over-their-final-use date of old sports bras, I was desperate for new gear. If not for my sanity's sake, my skin's sake. Because chaffing burns. Like a bitch.

So thanks to ChampionUSA.com's fun little feature of "Bra Finder," they narrowed down which bras meet the "Maximum Support" and my lovely little size.

There's only 1 bra as an option, so I throw it into my shopping cart. Round it out with 2 different running capris to try and I've qualified for Free Shipping. Come to MAMA!!

Wait. Wait. Wait. Wait. Wait.

But in severe anticipation of needing new bras before Sunday's 8 miles, we hit up the running store (Running, Etc.). Wook claims he was talked into new running shoes. Truth be, he'd been berated for wearing his sneakers for long past their death date. Turns out that we're meant to be together. We each use something until it's beyond an advisable state. Yay us.

Anyways, I was excited. SUPER excited. They had each Moving Comfort bra I contemplated purchasing earlier in the week via online, but was secretly hoping that Running, Etc. (the running store) would have them instead. SHWING! They did. So I start grabbing sizes, colors, and heading for the fitting rooms. Okay, well instead, I waited for forever for the 1 fitting room to become available. Small store, small needs.

I get in and start trying them on. Then there's the inevitable bounce test. Jump. Jump. Jump. Wiggle. Wiggle. Jump. Super jump. Obviously, if I'm going to be running, I need to make sure that I don't give myself a black eye, or crack someone's windshield while I'm crossing the street.

I'm not in love at all. The 2 bras that I was soooo sure would work out are failing miserable. No support. No support. Flail. Flop. Flubber. Thank goodness I didn't buy these online. Moving Comfort: FAIL. But there was 1. Just 1, that had potential. And it's new, therefore not online, otherwise I'd totally give you a picture. But it was too small in the boob-age compartment. So I go to the lady worker.

Worker: "Can I help you?"

Me: "Yes, I need this is a bigger size. I looked for it, but there isn't one."

Worker: "And what size are you looking for? I can check in the back."

Me: "A 32DD."

Worker: Choking on air.

Yes, lady, I realize I have some cans. Believe me, this is not the first time I've ever hit a roadblock in my bra shopping experience. Some call it a blessing, I call it life. Not that I'm jealous of those who don't even have to wear Band-Aids for a sports bra, but it'd be nice to have the little-rib'd-naturally-big-boob'd people represented. I think I'll look for that in my next politician.

So she calls the sister store that's in the town over.

Worker: "I need a bra check. Yes, it's Moving Comfort, (item number, color) 32DD."

Listen lady, no need to be embarrassed. They're not your boobs, they're mine. And that fact that I've taken up this little exercise known as running, knowing full-well the difficulty it will be strap down 2 nuclear weapons, means I've come to deal with it. I have boobs. And it's not like I paid for them, so there's no reason to whisper like I had Dr. 90210 fix me up.

Survey says: FAIL.

Then today, I check the mail. CHAMPION DELIVERY! CHAMPION DELIVERY!

First thing's first...strapping on the only chance Champion had of helping me out. And it had a great price tag of $24.99 (sale). But would that come back to haunt me?

Kicker: It's a racer back with a 3-hook rib strap. See. In other words, very hard to get the shoulder into the racer back, then get it down over the boobs, then lock 'n load in. I have to do rain dances just to get in and out of the bloody thing. Not sure about this one.

But what should Dillard's have, even though it has a pricey $62 tag. This baby...

Obviously, NOT me. That's more pigment than my whole family combined.

But now I'm disappointed because it says it's only a Medium Support sports bra. But we'll see. I did talk the Bra Lady to let me return it if things don't work out. Because really, who ever thought that bounce testing in a fitting room will ensure great results? Not this blogger.

So on the schedule for today. 8 miles. Broken into 2 halves, though. We're testing equipment out here, people. I don't want to be locked into 8 miles and hate my life because I have 2 black eyes and under-boob chaffing that looks like Gorbachev's head. Work with me, here. Please.