What was supposed to be rollin' into work at 9:30 because I've been working late nights/early mornings and it's a way to balance out my schedule, turned into a 9:45am arrival time because...well...let's revisit the title: The world taketh an excrement upon my day.
In the span of 10 minutes. The 10 minutes that usually encompasses a brief walk to my car turned into another epic moment of Ashley's Life: FAIL. So it's a little rainy out here. By a little, I mean, biblical. But it's just rain, so we roll with it. Out come the awesome Target galoshes. The adorable Helly Hansen rain jacket that was an absolute steal at the first downgrade of the Recession last year. Rain, shmain. On to my car, and on to work.
But first...the sky hath pisseth all over ye life.
So it's a biblical flood outside. I believe we've covered this. But we're optimistic. We're walking. We're moving. We're avoiding the sidewalk closest to the street because of vehicular spray. We're doing well. Then *rip*. One handle on the paper bag of fresh linens breaks free. Whatever. We're still good. We're still moving. We're crossing the street. We're remembering where we parked (sometimes I have Dory moments).
Then *rip.*
Second handle on paper bag rips off. Bag of freshly laundered linens falls onto sidewalk. Onto puddle-ridden sidewalk. Fresh linens...puddle...can you guess what color my language was?? I was like a salty sailor after a 9-month tour to the Phillipines. It was amazing. The ability to string a sentence together with words that are most-definitely censored on all major networks astounds me. But then again, I heard myself this morning. I'm definitely an English major.
But we grab the bag in a heat of passion and continue walking to the car.
Woosh!! Umbrella inverts.
Umbrella. Plus wind. Equals...well a sentence strung together with more f***s than a 8th grader who just learned how to cuss. What more could go wrong?? Oh wait. Note to self. Don't ever ask self that question. Because lots can happen.
What's on the schedule today? 2 events. And my paperwork is...?? On the table.
Seriously??
So I get in the car, whip it around to my apt, leave the flashers on while parked in the loading zone, jump out, run in, curse some more, run back out, jump in car, hit the gas, text that I'll be at 9:45am as opposed to 9:30am, and enjoy the drive to work while rocking out to Classic Prince.
And because I'm tired and want to go to sleep now, a quick wrap up.
I got off work at 8:15pm because of 2 events on my schedule. My feet about died because I foolishly didn't remember that I had said 2 events on my schedule (when I should have known considering I wrapped up the catering plans the night before). In case you're thinking of working 2 events in kitten heels, I strongly advise against it. It's a bad path. A painful path. An omg,-is-a-pedicurist-open-at-this-hour pain. Not even a hefty vodka tonic with lemon at Snappers took my mind off how bad my feet were feeling. So what's on the schedule for this weekend? A pedicure. A You-want-flowa? pedicure. And I'll go solo if I have to. That's what she said.
you should come visit me. You can get a raza pedicure instead.
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