Sunday, May 9

You're welcome, Mom, for the 6-hour labor.

I'm an easy child.  As you could tell by the time it took for me to enter this world.  I never needed more than a bowl of Cheerios in the morning, every morning.  And maybe some pants that covered my long-ass legs.  Because being 5'8" in junior high has it's limitations.  But that's thanks to my dad's genetics, so he'll have to wait a month for the post in his honor.

So Happy Mommy's Day.  Or in the wise words of Shaun of the Dead, "To a wonderful Mum."

In early December 2009, the parents came out for Mr. Wookie's Winging.  And here, we all got to tour Mr. Wookie's aircraft.  I think she liked being in the pilot seat.

But as I normally do with celebrations, let's think of 26 fun facts for Mama Ging - since that's the duration of time she's had to deal with my pain-in-the-ass tendencies.  But don't's not like I hold anything against her.  Well...maybe...except that I can't put in a zipper in anything I save my life.

1.) She used to tell me that coffee would stunt my growth.  And I'm curious if it did at all.  I mean, I'm 5'11" now.  Would I have been taller?  Or is it bunk?

2.) I grew up living/breathing/eating ballet.  I started when I was 3, and had to make the painful choice of athletics at the end of junior high.  So that's 10 years of love for the dance.  Then Mama Ging tells me she only enrolled me is because she knew I'd be tall...and she didn't want me to be awkward.


3.) I used to steal my mom's old jeans in 8th grade, because they were slightly baggy (the style, hello!) and wear them at friends' houses.  I swore I'd be on the cover of Vogue any day.

4.) If I were in prison and had a last meal, it would be my mom's cooking.  Because somethings just bring back a flooding of memories when you eat them.  Mmmmm, turkey noodle casserole...

5.) I don't think it's humanly possible for my family to get the Christmas tree up/decorated with more than a handful of days before Christmas.

6.) My mom's been babysitting my plants since I left for this coast (that was May of last year) - thanks Mom!

And since I haven't had any plant responsibilities over the last year, I totally killed the basil I was given by a coworker.  Woops.

7.) I joke about how we could have had the perfect family had my parents stopped with 2 children.  My Brother and I.  The boy and the girl.  Perfection.  But then I wouldn't have had 2 younger sisters to hate when I was younger, then turn to like when I got older.

8.) My parents grew up in my hometown and got married in my hometown.  I think I hear a John Cougar Mellencamp song....

9.) My parents were brilliant.  They got married in July.  In a church WITHOUT air conditioning.  And my mom rocked a long-sleeved dress.  And it was beyond sweaty balls that day.

10.) In fact, my mom sewed her wedding dress.  Because she's awesome like that.

11.) Yes, many of my Halloween costumes were made by my mom.  And I do judge people who buy Halloween costumes for their kids.  Hello, have some originality, eh!  "But it's easier."  Yes, so is sterilization!

12.) I talked to my mom about every other day.  And I usually call her at work to give her a break from the monotony.  Or if I can't reach her, I'll call Reception and have them pass along funny messages.

13.) My parents have lived in the same house since 1990.  The only house Baby Sister has lived in.  I hope they don't move.  Because the downstairs still has many years of hosting Hide 'N Go Seek for us children...and the Little Man when he gets older.

14.) Mama Ging is a sentimentalist.  She still has the pregnancy tests confirming Middle Sister and Baby Sister's oncoming existence.  No, I did not touch these when she showed them to me.

15.) This summer will mark Mom's long-awaited trek to the UK.

16.) Her credentials: Red hair, 5'3", and as Sharon Osbourne would say, "a skinny minney."

17.) My mom went to Willamette University (in Salem, Oregon) - and once (just happened to borrow for a few hours) relocated a cadaver to outside their friends' house.  Sick.

18.) I miss going on the random shopping excursions with my mom.  Even if we don't buy anything, we still have a blast oogling over shoes.  If only the Shoe Gods were to cut the prices down, or give us a Mother-Daughter Redhead Discount.

19.) My mom hates being short.  Hates it.  So when I feel sorry for her, I'll pick her up and carry her around at my height level.  She's impressed with how you can see the top of the cabinets.

20.) This one's good.  Mama Ging used to say that driving a manual transmission is tiring because of all the movement.  You can't just go for a drive.  Now all 4 of us kids drive manual transmissions.  Crazy.

21.) I'm tired of typing and need coffee.  And with that notion, Mom has a slight need for coffee.  We're from Oregon - this isn't really that surprising of a statement.

Virginia could really use drive-thru coffee stands.  They're a huge cash cow.  But it's not like I indulge in that luxury anymore.  Once you find yourself unemployed, JUST ONCE, you nix all indulging behaviors.  Minus getting my brows waxed.  That's a necessity.

22.) My mom loves being a grandma (although she forgets to pass along picture-age until I have to ask via my blog - Mom, more pictures, please!).  And I'm glad that Little Man was, in fact, a little man.  Because Mama Ging grew up with 4 brothers, so she knows boys.

23.) That being said, her having 3 daughters was quite a surprise.  Here's to pink!  And crazy hormonal daughters!  Who turn your hair gray!  But you love us anyways!

24.) In our family, we play musical purses.  Because you can triple your purse collection by sharing with your mother and sisters.  And they're free.

25.) I haven't been back to see my family since October.  So June can't come soon enough.  And Mama Ging is trying to wiggle taking off enough work to see me land in PDX.  Because she wants to run slowly, through the passengers, with a giant sign that says "I heart my Gingy Daughter!"...then I tackle her like a linebacker because I've missed her so much.

And my sisters too.  I've missed you too!

I promise not to tackle Little Man, yet.

26.) I love my mom.  Whether I was living with my parents in the post-college-boyfriend-is-long-distant phase or living the East Coast dream 3,000 miles away.  I'm thankful for everything she's done for me.  And I'm glad she got to have a redheaded daughter.  For the sake of the genetics.  Because having a Gingy Daughter, I'm pretty sure, can rot your brain.

Love you, Mom.

And Happy Mother's Day to all the other mothers out there.  Whether you have 1 or 19 (come on Mrs. Duggar, go for 20!!!), I hope your day is everything you expect it NOT to be.  Because it'll never be perfect.  The breakfast brought to you in bed will be burnt, your husband doing the laundry will shrink the clothes, and the young kids you have now won't care that it's supposed to be your day.  Just wait 5 years.  Or 10 if you have to.  Just enjoy knowing that there's a reason for the Epidural-demanding choice you made oh-so-many years ago.  We thank you.

And last side note: Mama Ging doesn't do epidurals.  She's an animal.  She would have had her kids in a cave in the Moab if she could.  So don't mess with that Ging.  She'll mess you up.  Then borrow your cadaver, roll it over to a friend's house, as the ultimate practical joke.  Who's laughing now?

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