Saturday, June 5

The Ging's Words of Wisdom in Bar Etiquette

  1. Please don't discuss cremation vs burial on your first date.  I don't care how good your argument is.  Because I'll lose my appetite, and I'm not even on the date with both of you.
  2. Yes, I'm very skilled in the tambourine department.  No, really.  This white girl has mad rhythm.  How?  I'm from Oregon.  We have hippies.  I've been to drum circles before.  End of story.
  3. Dear Newly-Employed-New-Resident-of-Virginia, I apologize for offending you and your "I love [Rogue] Dead Guy" with the statement that Rogue makes many more exceptional beers other than it's one counterpart.  I'm just saying.  If you like one of their beers, you'll usually like more.  So step outside of the box.
  4. Dear Actual Lesbian at the bar...I apologize if I offended you with my lesbian discussions while watching the college softball playoffs.  It wasn't personal.  In fact, I like lesbians.  Just not like that.  But if I ever needed my tire changed and Mr. Wookie was deployed, I'd SO call you.  Because lesbians rock.  That and a gay man might break a nail.
  5. I agree with the Asian from San Diego - the Pac-10 should stay the Pac-10.  Not the Pac-12.  Give Notre Dame to the Big-Who Cares.  Because we definitely don't want them.  But if we ever do have to take on 2 more teams, I vote for Hawaii and Boise State.  But that'd leave the WAC empty.  So it's really a conundrum.
  6. If you look remotely like a "Florida or Auburn fan" (read: Douchebag Fraternity Sleezeball), Mr. Wookie will glare at you all night.  Not that it's anything against the schools, more that he doesn't like popped-collar walking nightmares.
  7. The night is complete when upon your walk home, you notice a man with "Flock of Seagulls" hair.
  8. Blowing your nose like Snuffulufagus in the bar might garner you strange looks.  But shut up assholes, I've been sick. I'm trying to clear out my sinuses, and here you are giving me grief.  Go away.
  9. Short men always humor me.  Especially the little pudgy ones that look like an Oompa Loompa meets Danny Devito.  Maybe God finds humor in my difficulty of finding pants that fit.
  10. I like the rule: "3+ hours at the bar, one drink on the house."  So do my tastebuds.

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